garden-time

How life changes in less than two weeks

Sun, 06 Jun 2010 22:40:45 +0100

27 weeks and 4 days pregnant... with an entire hot summer to go until due date of September 1st.

Maternity pants that didn't fit, now fit. Last time I wore my maternity jean capris I continually had to pull them up because the safety pin I had been using to keep them in place broke. This time they stayed in place just fine. There's still plenty of room for me and Plurk to grow! (This should make my doctor happy. At 24 weeks I had only gained 8lbs the entire pregnancy. I was encouraged to put on more weight to support this last trimester.)
Plurk moves all the time. I swear he/she is practicing for Dance Revolution. Before Plurk would move but the moment I or my hubby put hands on my tummy to feel the movement, shyness took over and all movement stopped. Now the Baby could care less who feels the moves.
My hopes and desires for moving haven't exactly changed, but have settled. The family that had been interested in our home backed out. When that happened the anxiety of the unknown won over my desire to be in a home that my husband and I picked together instead of being in a home from a past marriage at this new stage of life for us. I think the nesting symptom of pregnancy I've been hearing about is the cause of this. I need to know where Plurk will sleep. I need to start making his/her area. I need to assure my step-boys of their future that that we have a plan for us all.
Gravity, however, has not changed. I went swimming for the first time since getting pregnant. Yes, I even got into a maternity bathing suit - a one piece baby doll that I found myself quite comfortable in! The moment I submerged myself in the water all the weight on my lower back was gone. It was awesome! I let the lazy river move me. I walked the lanes and even swam a few laps. Every time I got out of the pool the reality of gravity hit with force! The moment my belly cleared the water BAM full weight on my lower back that caused much pain. If I could, I would live in the water the rest of pregnancy!

The boys loved playing in the newly remodeled aquatics area of the Westminster City Park Recreation Center. They enjoyed it all but spent most of their time in the rock wall area. I wish I could've done the rope swing with them!

Attn: Westminster/Broomfield landlords we're your next tenants!

Tue, 25 May 2010 17:40:02 +0100

It seems my wish of moving may becoming a reality. We’re close to signing a lease agreement with a family that would like to move in on July 1st. I’m truly excited by this, but also nervous. This means we have A LOT to do in just a few short weeks.

By going through with this, we’re taking a huge risk. We had hoped the house would sell. Houses on the streets around us have sat on the market for months so we knew our fastest option to move would be to rent, or even rent-to-own, the house. The family interested in the house wants to rent for a year and then possibly sign a new contract that would allow them to buy the house.

This only leaves us with the option of renting a house for ourselves. We haven’t been renters in about a decade. We have both owned houses since 2000 and 2001. To be renters while owning two homes is going to be odd. We’ll make the best tenants since we truly understand what it’s like for the landlord. Yet, we’re just so used to taking care of our homes and setting our own rules (like with pets) it will take effort to take a step back into the renter role.

We hope to find a landlord that is looking for a family to live in the house for at least two if not three years. We want stability for our family and don’t want to move every year until we’re able to sell one or both of houses and be able to purchase our own home. We want a house that we can call home as our family grows and gets older.

If you’re a landlord, or have found yourself in a position where you are considering renting your house because of the economy, consider our family as your tenants.

We hope our next house:

Will be in the Westminster/Broomfield area to be closer to family and for the school districts that will be best for the boys.
Will have 4 bedrooms and at least 2 bathrooms.
Will have a nice sized fenced backyard.
Will allow one dog and one cat, both trained, friendly and fixed.
Will have a two-car garage and basic amenities like washer, dryer, dishwasher, AC/or swamp cooler.

Our boys would request the house to be close to a park filled with adventure and magic.

Yes, this entire post is to entice you to pick us - kind of like a cover letter. We offer you:

On time monthly payment, as well as the required deposit/pet deposit.
Care and upkeep of your investment property.
Minimum 12-month lease with hopes of renewal or even to purchase your property.
You’ll always be able to track us down as husband and I are so active with our websites and social media networks!

We’re an extremely adorable and friendly family. We’ll be as good to your house and yard as you would be. I warn you now, you may fall in love with us!

I hope to hear from you. If I don’t, just know that you may be forcing us to stay short-term with my mother-in-law while we search for you. I totally and completely love my MIL (rare, but true!) but in my pregnant state, moving twice in one summer just doesn’t appeal to me. Also she doesn't allow pets and husband won't go without the dog and I won't go without the cat!

We are the family for you!

I can't help but play in my flower garden

Wed, 19 May 2010 16:22:19 +0100

I hope to move from our house soon and, if not soon, then in the next year. If there is one thing I could keep as mine, it would be my flower garden. It’s been a labor of love and frustration. I decided to plant it years ago when I couldn’t keep grass alive due to the intense southern sun exposure. The first year water restrictions went into place was the last year I saw grass in that area. That was also my first summer at the house, so I had no idea what kind of watering that section of lawn needed. I never got the chance to find out.

I researched xeriscape landscape designs and drought tolerant ground cover and flowers. I dug everything up and started to plant. Then I realized the area was larger than I expected. With a budget, planting everything at once wasn’t possible. So year after year I make additions or move flowers around that need to be split or moved for shade/sun purposes.

Just as figuring out Colorado soil for my garden has been tricky, so has been figuring it out for the flowers. On top of the soil condition, which is sandy in one part of the garden and more clay in the other, is the intense sun. It hasn’t seemed to matter how much mulch I put down. It just dries up and the earth hardens. Weeds don’t even grow in the area that gets constant sun. Keeping flowers alive that need a year or so to establish has been problematic.

I admit I’ve also had some pretty horrible ideas for the garden. I decided to also tear up the one area that grass thrived to plant all lilies. I tore it up in the fall and planted bulbs. I covered the area with mulch and waited all winter for spring. Spring came and the lilies came too… and so did the grass. It came back with a vengeance. I diligently pulled the grass as it grew until I had an unexpected surgery and hospital stay. Due to the recovery time, I couldn’t do as much work and the grass has won.

For over five years I have worked this garden. This year I feel I’m closer than ever to having it all set the way I want and where it can thrive. The lilies that survived the grass attack I dug up and moved last fall. (Sadly, only about 2/3rd survived the transplant.) I found a woman on craigslist who was splitting her iris, yarrow and peonies. I grabbed some of each to fill out more areas.

I did all the planting in the morning. All day I paid the price with a back ache. The Baby seemed to like the activity though with lots of kicks and back flips the entire time I was outside. I’ve found that each day of pregnancy means a new balance to activity and relaxation. Even my center of balance changes daily as Baby grows!

I did take breaks often and at each one I sat among the flowers just coming up, or the tulips that have already lost their blooms, and thought of how I would miss my garden once we move. I have no idea if the next people to live in the house will keep it, destroy it or tear it out. It’s possible we may rent the house instead of sell it. I’m tempted to write something in the lease about maintaining the flower garden, but fear that will only chase off potential renters.

Perhaps I’ll make a deal with the next family: Keep the garden for now and if you don’t like it, let me dig it all up so I can move it to my new home.

Facing the question of where we will live while pregnant

Tue, 18 May 2010 03:31:09 +0100

This week I am 24-weeks – 6 months – pregnant. I simply can’t believe it. For one it doesn’t feel like I’ve been on this pregnancy coaster for that long of a time. Second, what do you mean this baby will be coming out of me in just over 3 months?! Seriously?! (Frankly, I still don’t think I’m down with the whole birthing process. I didn’t think this all the way through…)

When I stop to think PANIC mode sets in.

I know part of this is just normal pregnancy, especially 1st-time baby, panic. I have a voice that says this over and over in my head. However, a large part of this is that I don’t know where we’ll be living when our Baby joins us.

We live in this specific house because we both have been divorced. We both own houses from those marriages. Due to the housing market we still have both houses. We rent one and live in the other.

This house fits us perfectly and it gives the boys everything they need or want from protection to adventure. I think as most parents do, we have an overwhelming desire to protect the life we’ve been able to provide for the boys, which includes individual rooms. Even though sharing rooms with a sibling is a normal part of life, we would choose not do it if we had the option.

I know this isn’t rational. The oldest of four, I grew up in a home where I shared a room with my sister for a while, and my brothers shared a room years until one by one we moved out. (Admittedly as the oldest I did get my own room for the longest.) However, the boys' rooms have become sanctuaries from each other, from us, from adult situations that they shouldn’t ever have to know about at such a young age, but do because divorce is hardest on them. We want to protect this.

The boys haven’t asked to keep their rooms. In fact when we told them about the Baby their very first response was that they would move into a room together, draw a line down the center of the room, and share it. They want this so we can stay across the street from an amazing park that holds tremendous magic for 9 and 10 year old boys.

So I really didn’t think about moving after this conversation. With the boys happy, we're happy. Our talks became which room would be shared. We offered the downstairs family room as their spill over, game room so not everything would have to fit in the bedroom. They said deal.

Then about the time I went in for surgery I fell apart. I literally became a basket of uncontrollable tears. All these emotions bubbled and overflowed that ranged from fear of having a baby to the surgery to – surprise – the house. I realized in no way do I want to start this next step of our family in a house I purchased with my ex-husband.

We never planned on staying in this house as long as we have. Our original plan was to live in one until one could sell, rent the other, and purchase a home that we picked together. The market never changed the way we thought. In one house we are upside down as the appraisal has dropped around $40,000. In the house we are, we’re exactly even with the house appraising at exactly the loan amount.

Then there’s our debt. Divorce is expensive and we both took the largest financial losses in our divorces. We both had to take out personal loans to buy out exes in property, like my ex got the time share, but I paid for it. To refinance the mortgage in just my name required another personal loan to get the loan to a place that was near the appraisal value at the time.

So we stayed. We’ve made good progress at chipping away at our debt. It’s not nearly enough though. Savings is nil and we’ve had to turn to the credit card in unexpected times, like when the furnace went out in the rental during the winter and needed replacing. We’ve survived a lay off and were extremely lucky that a new job came quickly, but it came with a significant pay cut.

We know we’ve not always made the smartest financial moves. We’ve learned. We have a budget. We pay more than minimal amount due. We’re trying. Our story is not unlike many thousands of others.

Still I crumble inside when I think of this next step in our life happening in a place we never wanted to be. Homes are so much of us. So many memories are wrapped in them. Dreams are made, changed and broken in them. It took so much adjustment for the both of us to live in this house together and to try to make it home for our family. I remember the day my husband was actually able to say home instead of house. I felt relief that we were at this point, but never gave up hope of finding our home together.

We decided to contact realtors and brokers. We knew our finances didn’t leave us many options. Some were optimistic with us, others brutally honest.

I had to go with optimism. We signed with a broker to list the house as a rental, rent to own, and for sale all at the same time. Now we wait to see what happens.

Daily I search for homes we could rent or, in my dream world, purchase because our house sells. I search for homes closer to my husband’s family. In good traffic we’re 25-minutes away so we want to be much closer. I look at school districts. Our oldest will enter middle school in 2011. We’re looking at specific programs for him that we don’t believe our current middle school offers him.

I wait more.

Each day I accept a little more that Baby may come while we’re in our current home. I still don’t want the boys to immediately move into a room together once the Baby comes home. It’s planned that Baby will stay with us in our larger master bedroom for the first few months. Then we’ll make more big decisions.

If the house doesn’t move at all now, we’ll try again next year. Beyond the room arrangements and my feelings, finding the best middle school for our oldest is of the utmost importance. If we weren’t having Baby we wouldn’t be trying anything at all now, but we’d aggressively be doing so this time next year all due to schooling. This reality has become my fallback plan that’s letting me breathe.

I do my best to hold it together and not let the hormones rule. I have plans that cover many scenarios. I have hope.

Surgery and recovery

Tue, 18 May 2010 03:25:17 +0100

Weeks 20 and 21

It's been two weeks since I had surgery to remove a vaginal cyst. Thank you to everyone who prayed for or thought of me and the baby! What's most important is that Plurk (a.k.a. Baby Montano; yes nicknamed after the social media site because my dear husband thought the name would be a funny nod to my semi-addiction to social networking) is doing just fine!

I hadn't really been feeling Plurk move around but at the hospital and at appointments leading up to and after the surgery I was able to hear the strong gallup of a heartbeat. This sound may be one of the best in the entire world. Hearing it calmed my nerves more than anything else.

I was quite terrified going into the surgery. I was scared mostly for the baby and dreading the outcome or diagnosis for myself. As I've written before, this is not my first fight with this cyst. Most recently it was diagnosed as Endometriosis. I admit fully that this little battle of mine is just that; a little battle. Many women have gone through so much more than I have or will to have a baby. As much as I reminded myself of this, I was still overcome with many emotions.

The Surgery a.k.a the end of modesty:

The anesthesiologist decided the safest course for Plurk was to give me a spinal, which is similar to an epideral. Fully awake I was wheeled into the operating room. The doctors, assistants, and nurses were all very kind, but I admit it was odd to see everything and hear everything.

I followed instructions to arch my back like a cat while the anesthesiologist found just the right spot on my lower spine to inject the numbing agent. Then he started to give me shots around the spine to numb the area before the big injection. Everyone kept joking how this was just practice for me before labor in September. My question over and over was, "seriously how can a woman with a big bulging stomach arch her back like this?" I had a tough time at just 20-weeks!

Finally the spinal was done… but it didn't take. I didn't numb all the way. The doctor drew a diagram of the spine and the needle to show how he probably didn't get the injection in just the right spot. Half numb from the waste down I was put back in a sitting position to arch all over again. Finally this time it took. I could feel pressure, but nothing else.

A nurse explained every pressure sensation I was feeling. "Okay, now you'll feel pressure on your thigh because I'm cleaning you." I felt it and in horror thought, "what does she mean by cleaning me?" All I could think about was that episode of Doogie Howser M.D. where Wanda had appendicitis and Doogie had to do the surgery. When she woke and was told what happened she was mortified at being shaved for surgery. I prayed that wasn't what was happening and made a mental note to take care of that myself when it comes time to give birth, even if that means having a professional wax because I won't be able to reach much of my lower half once my belly is huge.

Many hours later when I had some movement back, I discretely checked and with a sigh realized cleaning was just a thorough wash down. Still I'm not going to take a chance in September…

My doctor began the surgery. She either talked to me about what was happening or there was various conversation among everyone in the room. My doctor had questions about facebook. I was glad to talk about something I knew about! No one in the room besides me understood facebook. I was surprised. We talked relationships, like how we met our spouses. I'm still in disbelief we had such nonchalant talk while my doctor and assistant were so intimately dissecting a cyst from my upper left labia.

There were two surprises during the procedure. First the cyst, which had been a chocolate-cyst, was no longer filled will a chocolate colored liquid; it was a slightly cloudy color. I saw the color of the fluid when the nurse moved culture vials to a cart on the left side of the room. The color of the fluid when the cyst was drained in the office just a few weeks ago is what lead to the diagnosis of endometriosis. I could hear the surprise in my doctors voice as she asked for the vials for samples to be tested. I haven't gotten the test results yet.

Second, the cyst was much larger than the last time the doctor checked it. In five weeks the cyst had gone from 1/2cm to around two inches. It started to drain on it's own the moment the doctor put any pressure on it. I heard her say she needed it to stop draining so it didn't collapse on itself, which would make it hard to remove. Originally the doctor thought it would be so small that there was a chance she wouldn't be able to get it all. The size of it made it easier for her to fully dissect. It also meant deeper surgical area. Overall though the procedure went fine.

Recovery:

I was taken to the recovery room where I was only to spend an hour or so before being sent to day surgery (the outpatient recovery area). An hour turned into two and a half hours because the numbness wasn't going away. I'm pretty sure I was the youngest patient there. I was the only one awake for the whole thing. It was very sad to hear the doctors go over individual cases with the nurses. I heard much talk of tumors and cancer. I said a prayer of thanks for Plurk being ok and asked God to be with everyone in the recovery room.

The nurses enjoyed having me there because they got to hear Plurk's heartbeat too. Plus I could actually talk with them, unlike the others who were slowly coming out of general anesthesia. Oh I heard so much hospital gossip! I just giggled. I got great carpet cleaning tips. And the nurse caring for me gave me some chocolate since it'd been 14 hours since I had any food.

Finally I was moved to day surgery even though I still couldn't feel much more than my calves. My toes and feet were pins and needles. My thighs and rear-end were heavy, but had no feeling yet. This meant I needed a straight catheter to relieve my bladder. I was thankful I was still so numb because I couldn't feel it at all. I prayed that the numbing would go away so I could go to the bathroom on my own. My doctor was very clear with me, if I couldn't go on my own, I would have to stay in the hospital.

I was wheeled down halls to day surgery where two nurses moved me from the gurney to a reclining chair. My legs were swung over the gurney and I was helped to my feet. I could only sort of tell that my feet were on the ground. The nurses had to do most of the work to turn me around to sit. When they let go of me I asked, "am I sitting?" I seriously could not feel the chair under my butt!

I was allowed to order lunch because I am pregnant and had already had chocolate in the recovery room. My husband was able to see me for a few minutes before he had to get our boys from school. I flipped through the channels and ate my salad while he was gone.

When my stepsons got there they were totally cool seeing me hooked to an IV and in a hospital gown. I thought it was a little sad at their young age they were already used to seeing me this way. This was my third hospital adventure due to gynecological issues. I told them how numb I was and that I still couldn't feel the chair. I told them I felt like Hans Solo coming out of the carbonate. They laughed.

Eventually it was time for me to try to go to the bathroom on my own. I was numb but could tell my bladder was full. The nurses helped me to the bathroom. The reclining chair had wheels and I was wheeled right in. This time I could feel some of the floor under my feet, but again had to ask if I was sitting once I was put on the toilet. I tried with all my might, but nothing.

I was wheeled back to my room. A nurse took a reading of my bladder to see how full it was - 650cc FULL! She called my doctor to get permission to put in a Foley Catheter, one that stays in. I knew then my chance of staying just jumped to over 90%.

I was moved back to a gurney for the catheter to be inserted. Then I heard the nurses talking of sending me to yet another recovery area. A call was put in for my own room. Eventually I was taken to this room - on the maternity floor. With a sinking feeling I knew I was staying.

My husband heard it first when he was waiting outside the room while I was checked by another nurse. He overheard a phone conversation where my doctor ordered me to stay. He came in and told me. I couldn't help it. My eyes filled with tears. The nurse was so loving and kind though that she did all she could to make me feel better and to assure me all would be fine.

The blessings to this were more checks on Plurk so I got to hear the heartbeat a few more times through the night and into the morning. Our boys went with grandparents and my husband, having done this many times already, settled himself in the room to stay with me all night. We watched movies and talked baby names.

About 10:30pm the nurse had me try walking for the first time on my own. I did it! I was able to walk once around the entire floor! It took over 12 hours for the numbness to go away. How in the world do women handle this after giving birth?

My doctor saw me first thing in the morning. She ordered the catheter to be removed so I could again try to go on my own. We talked wound care and recovery procedures and limitations. I couldn't wait for her to leave so I could get to that bathroom. I was determined to go on my own!

Finally the catheter was removed. I guzzled as much water and juice as I could until my bladder was full. With help from my husband to get to the bathroom, it was finally my determination vs my urination abilities. Success!

I gleefully called for the nurse to share my accomplishment. I felt like a toddler asking for a prize after going to the big-girl's potty! The nurse started to go through the discharge paperwork with me and we realized there were no notations from the doctor about my return to work. I assured the nurse I'd stay home the next day but was positive I could return after that. After all, this was supposed to be an out-patient procedure that allowed me to go back to work the very next day. I so wanted to get back to normal life. When I went through this in July I was out for two weeks and I didn't like it at all.

The nurse thought it best to check with my doctor. The doctor decided I needed a full week off of work to recover because of the wound care needed and risk of infection. I just looked at my husband with shock. I guess somewhere in my head I had known this was likely because of my history. I had just convinced myself that it would not be like last time. That was the shock of it. I hadn't prepared myself for it at all.

So home I went with basically bed-rest restrictions. I am not at my best when I'm not able to move a lot. I admit I get cranky. I even get sad and depressed. Our oldest turned 10 during this time and I was unable to really be a part of the birthday action. He had a sleepover and I had to sit while a bunch of 9 and 10 year old boys ran around the house. It took everything in me not to jump up off the couch every time I heard a crash as they ran around playing Nerf gun wars.

Now that it's over and I've had time to think about it I know I would not have done well at work in my condition. Even in my very limited actions while home recovering every external stitch tore. This caused bleeding and increased the chance of infection. It's still uncomfortable to sit for long periods of time, which is what I would have done at work. I am only truly comfortable in a lounging or laying position because there is no pressure to my delicate area. I still have internal stitches to deal with as they won't be removed for a few more days.

I know it was best that I take my time to recover as the doctor ordered. It's just easier said then done!

Now I wait for test results. I pray for Plurk. I pray the cyst doesn't develop again. I pray the initial diagnosis of Endometriosis is wrong.

My request for prayers and thoughts for upcoming surgery

Tue, 06 Apr 2010 03:14:57 +0100

Week 18… almost Week 19

I have so much I want to write about. The original purpose for this blog was to focus on my garden. That evolved into cooking, canning, freezing the bounty of my garden. Since all that’s done in my home, I started writing about home. Lately my posts have all been about pregnancy.

I haven’t forgotten my other purposes for this blog. So if you’re here to talk gardening or the kitchen or the home, I promise I will continue to write and share these adventures. I really want to share pictures of the first spring growth in my flower garden. I want to talk about my worries that out of the 85% of my flower garden I replanted for healthier growth last fall only a handful of the plants survived.

But honestly pregnancy is what is on my mind. I keep coming up with these great little pregnancy tips I should share, like pregnancy skin; sleeping pregnant; maternity clothes; finding bargains on maternity clothes; pop goes the belly, but I block up when I try. You see one week from today, on April 12th, I will have surgery to remove a cyst. This “chocolate cyst” aka an Endometrioma, which shrunk on its own to less than 1cm a few weeks, ago has grown greatly. I can feel it; even move it.

Yes, my husband and I chose to do surgery now instead of waiting until after baby is born because of where the cyst is and how it pushes against the urethra, making urinating hard to impossible. Yes, the surgery is an outpatient procedure… if it all goes well and I don’t need a catheter after it is done. Yes, the second trimester is the safest for surgery as the baby is stronger than in the first trimester, yet there is less blood flow to the uterus now then there will be in the third trimester. This less blood flow makes using anesthesia safe… safer?

And there, there it is. I am truly worried. At times I find myself thinking of it and of my baby and the safety of it all and my past history of simple procedures that have left me in the hospital for days and at home with nurse care. I breathe through the tears that gather until I’m calm again.

I look again at all the posts and chat rooms filled with women who have had surgeries during pregnancy for far worse conditions then me. These women are true warriors. I tell myself to put my fears aside and to put my trust in God. I remind myself the cyst isn’t on the uterus and the doctor will not be going anywhere near the baby. Everything else in the pregnancy is going just fine. The baby has been healthy at every checkup.

I try not to think about it. This doesn’t always work. When I find myself lost in thought about it the cycle of emotions starts over again. Maybe by writing about this and admitting these are my thoughts and feelings I’ll have some self-therapy. I do humbly ask for any thoughts or prayers you could send for me, for my baby.

Seeing life and making our own decision

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:30:07 +0100

Week 14

It's been two weeks now since the endometrioma, a.k.a. chocolate cyst, was found and drained. Today (Thursday, March 4th) is not a check on this, though I'm sure it'll be a main topic of conversation with the doctor. Today is my 14 week ultrasound.

Since I'm an at-risk pregnancy due to medical history I need a 14 week ultrasound to measure my cervix. Since 2006 I've battle with abnormal paps for which I underwent a LEEP, a Cold Knife and hospital stays. I've had two abscesses that needed treatment, one in 2005 and the most recent in July. All of this, plus multiple colposcopy biopsies, may have damaged my cervix. Today I will find out how well the cervix has healed and, if it hasn't healed well, it will indicate the future of my pregnancy.

My husband is here with me and we wait for the ultrasound technician to start. Finally we start. We start with my very first obstetric ultrasound; you know, the jelly on my belly and a use of imaging probe to see baby.

And there moving around quite a bit is our baby! My husband and my fingers find one another and we hold hands as we watch our baby move. We can clearly see the spine and all the limbs. It looks like the baby has the hiccups!

The tech has only good news. All the measurements on the baby are good. The heartbeat is strong.

Then the tech changes to a transvaginal ultrasound so he can measure my cervix. I also told him about the cyst and asked if he could see it or any others. Again only good news. My cervix look fine, with a good length. A longer cervix helps in carrying the baby full-term with less complications, like bed rest.

Next was the search for the cyst. I had no idea most of the time what the tech was pointing out and looking at, I mean how could he tell that one blob area is my bladder? It was crazy to see my insides like that! When he showed me my urethra all I could think, "pee goes out that canal, weird." haha! In the end though, the cyst could not be seen. NO other cysts were found either! Good news indeed.

The tech handed us our baby pictures and said he needed to make notes for the doctor while I dressed. The moment the door closed, my husband grabs me from behind in a huge bear hug and just holds me. We were both so astonished and amazed by seeing our baby. Love filled us, for each other, for our family, and for our growing baby.

From there we went to the doctors office. She looked over the pictures, measurements and notes. She smiled while reading. Seeing that smile instead of a frown was all I needed to know she was as happy with the results as the tech was.

Of course she also needed to check the cyst. For the second time today my nerves shook a bit. As she examined the area she told us that it was still there, still filled, but had actually decreased in size from last week. She said the cyst must have drained a little on it's own. "This is good!" she said. "Now we have options."

She went on to explain that there's a chance the cyst would continue this through the rest of the pregnancy, where it grows and drains on it's own. More likely it will fill like it had before again. Now, however, we had the opportunity to ask questions, weigh options and make a decision together instead of just being told surgery is the only way.

After we talked we decided the best course of action was to go ahead and remove the cyst in the next few weeks. We decided the risk of it filling and causing major problems urinating in the 3rd trimester when we have no options of help, outweighed the risk of waiting and seeing. The doctor explained the procedure again. It's tentatively scheduled in early April. The doctors office has to make arrangements with my insurance and book time for the surgery.

We left the office holding hands and comforted in how we were able to come to this decision.

Surgery is needed, but I know how lucky I am

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 04:32:12 +0100

Week 13

I've had a week to absorb the fact that I had a endometrioma, a.k.a. chocolate cyst, drained and that I've been diagnosed with Endometriosis. I've done research and I've talked to my coworker Dr. Dave Hnida about it. Dr. Dave put it eloquently. "You're a rare case as it's not usual to find Endometriosis in a pregnant woman. It's quite wonderful you were able to get pregnant. Be happy."

Today (Friday, Feb. 26th) is my follow up check with my doctor to make sure I've healed and that no infection settled in. My main concern is to stay healthy to keep baby healthy with hopes we can delay any procedure to remove the cyst until after baby is safely here. Today I will find out.

Again the doctor starts off by checking on the baby. Again I hear the music of my baby's heartbeat. I relax.

During examination of the incision area the doctor shares good news and not-so-good news. The good news is the area healed nicely and there is no infection. The other news made my heart sink. The cyst that was just drained was already filling again. The doctor says it was already over 1cm in size and she could see through the skin she could see blue, which means it is the endometrioma and not just a blocked gland.

She had me dressed and then we talked of the future. The cyst isn't on my uterus, which is good. It's location in fact doesn't harm baby at all. However, when it fills it pushes against the urethra making it difficult to impossible to urinate, it does need to be removed soon, before baby is here.

She described what would be done to dissect the cyst. It would be an out-patient procedure and anesthesia would used to put me under. She explained the best time for any surgery during pregnancy is the 2nd trimester when the baby is stronger than the 1st trimester and when the blood flow isn't as great as it will be in the 3rd trimester. This lesser amount of blood flow to the uterus makes using anesthesia during the 2nd trimester safe for the baby. The one unknown is if I will need a catheter or not after the procedure. I pray that I don't. I guess it will depend on how much swelling there is after the cyst is removed on whether or not I will need a catheter.

I handled this news much better than I thought I would. I just took it in stride with calm deep breaths. I thought of all the women who have struggled and lived with Endometriosis. Women who have undergone surgery after surgery. Women who had problems conceiving. Women who haven't been able to conceive. These women are the true victims and survivors of Endometriosis.

I know how lucky I am that I am pregnant. I know how lucky that I am the cyst isn't near the uterus or ovaries, and that so far, only one cyst has been found.

Pregnant and diagnosed with Endometriosis

Tue, 18 May 2010 03:20:40 +0100

*Warning for anyone who doesn't like to talk vaginas or female problems you'll want to skip this post!

Just over two weeks ago I found a vaginal lump, or more specifically a vulvar lump. I felt a pinch and a sharp pain as I tried to urinate. I've had a series of problems over the last few years, including a battle with abnormal paps for which I underwent a LEEP and a Cold Knife and hospital stays, and two abscesses. I knew the pain was not good.

During a self exam I found the lump on the left side of the vulva, in the exact same place of an abscess I had in July. I knew the drill and tried to stay calm, but the difference between July and now is that I'm pregnant. At the time of finding the lump I was 12 weeks and a wave a panic washed over me.

I laid in bed for a few minutes to steady my breathing and to overcome the tears. All I could think about was July. As I said in July the small lump turned into a large, bulging abscess that required an emergency procedure to drain it. This lead to a hospital stay, followed by at-home nurse care, the use of a catheter for over a week and subsequent vaginal yeast and bacterial infections through December. All I could think about was the pain I had experiences. The wound needed daily packing, meaning to keep the wound draining it was packed with gauze strips that needed daily changing. I'm sure many have experienced much worse pain than this, but for me this was... well beyond painful and I can't describe with words. Just thinking now, remembering the pain, I've teared up.

Then came the thoughts of how horrible it had been not to be able to pee. Before the catheter was used, the abscess had pressed up against my urethra making it impossible to urinate. I never thought I'd welcome a catheter but I did then. The problem was after the procedure swelling took the place of the abscess cutting off my urethra once again. Daily in the hospital the catheter was removed for hours to see if I could go to the bathroom on my own. After three days of this it was decided to send me home with the catheter and the nurse care. To put it simply none of this was pleasant.

Beyond the thoughts of the pain my head kept swimming around the safety of my baby. What would this do to the baby? What if I can't pee again as baby grows pushing against my bladder? Bacterial infections can be dangerous to unborn babies. So yes, I panicked. Once I calmed down I called my doctor. The nurse told me to come right in. I called my husband who was teaching to let him know what was happening. Then I got dressed and headed to the doctor's office.

While I waited for the doctor to come into the exam room I went over again what had happened in July. I had ridden bikes with my stepsons the morning I first felt pain. The next day I found the lump. The doctor decided I'd injured myself during the bike ride. She called it trauma. She prescribed vicodin for the pain and went through a list of procedures I needed to do at home to help the trauma heal. She had felt that I'd just bruised myself and needed to take it easy, take sitz baths and even use ice for the trauma to heal. This was on a Thursday and the swelling continued some. But from Sunday to Monday morning the lump had grown and was bulging beyond the vaginal lips. I was immediately admitted to the hospital. The doctor determined the trauma had lead to an infected abscess.

I knew we couldn't do the same pain management and preventative procedures in hope the lump would heal as we had in July. I sat there wringing my hands until the doctor came into the room. A few minutes seemed like hours. When she came in I told her about the lump and the pain trying to urinate. She asked me if I'd been having problems overall urinating. I thought about it and realized I had been having problems. It would take me forever to finally go to the bathroom, sometimes I had to push and force myself to go when my bladder was full. I figured this was all part of pregnancy though.

She first checked on the baby and found a strong heart beat. At hearing the heart I breathed a sigh of relief. Next she checked the lump. She found it as well. She said it felt full of liquid, unlike in July where it had felt tight. She thought the procedure in July had damaged the gland to where it couldn't secrete the natural fluids. This would cause the gland to fill. She decided to drain it in the office and to insert a worm balloon catheter that would keep the gland open to drain and hopefully create a new pathway for the gland to secrete on it's own in the future.

She and the nurse prepared the room for the procedure. I was topically numbed and she explained step by step what she was doing. She said she was going to culture the fluid to make sure it wasn't an infection. She made the incision and I heard, "Oh good, it's completely clear. This should mean there's no infection!" I responded with another sigh of relief. She talked more about getting just over 1cc of liquid, which is what she had expected from the size of the lump.

Next I hear the doctor with surprise in her voice, "Well, that's not clear at all!" She asked the nurse for another culture vial as I felt wetness down the back of my thigh. The doctor said something about this being a chocolate cyst or an endometrioma. I asked what this was. She said she'd explain everything in a minute as she was having a problem inserting the worm balloon catheter. In the end she couldn't get it inserted. The area had completely collapsed on itself making it impossible to insert anything.

I was cleaned up and the doctor showed me the vial of the second liquid she'd taken from me. It was dark brown and there was about 6cc in the vial. She asked me to get dressed before she talked to me.

When she came back in she handed me a brochure on Endometriosis. I was immediately confused because what I knew of Endometriosis was that it caused problems in conceiving and caused severe pain during menstruation. I was pregnant and had never had severe pain with my cycle.

The doctor explained that the endometriomas can appear anywhere in the body, even though the uterus and ovaries are the most common areas for the cysts to appear. "Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus (the endometrial stroma and glands, which should only be located inside the uterus) is found elsewhere in the body." She told me of a patient once who got a bloody nose during each of her periods. The patient had thought the bloody nose was just a symptom of her cycle when in fact it was an endometrioma.

My doctor went on to explain that the cyst will never go away on it's own. It needs to be removed and I need to be treated for Endometriosis. The normal treatments are nothing I can undergo while pregnant, plus pregnancy itself is usually helps relieve the endometriosis symptoms. But, my troublesome cyst pushes against my urethra and being able to pee while growing baby is rather important.

We talked some more about my the surprise find of the cyst and the abscess in July. She explained the cyst must have been there at the time. She continued talking of how the body communicates within itself. My head was spinning by now thinking of surgery and I can honestly say I'm not positive of what she was saying to me. I left knowing I faced surgery and an assurance that she would talk to an specialist in urology about the location of the cyst and how it could be communicating with the urethra and somehow be related to the abscess.

I got to the car and fell apart. I called Shawn and called work. The numbing agent was starting to wear off and I could feel the pain of the incision and the pushing to drain the cyst and to insert the worm balloon catheter. Logically I knew I shouldn't be a mess of tears as this should be a simple procedure to remove a cyst where the baby wouldn't be in any danger. But, I'm pregnant, emotional, hormonal and haven't had the best of luck with simple procedures. So I cried and went home.

From morning sickness to the first ultrasound and disbelief

Tue, 18 May 2010 03:22:22 +0100

New Year's Eve and early January

I've now taken four pregnancy tests, two of them digital so there's no trick lines to play with me. All four positive. I am definitely pregnant; I think.

My stomach issues since early December when I was on antibiotics have only gotten worse and then out of nowhere actually getting out bed became very difficult. I figure this is morning sickness, maybe.

It's New Year's Eve. The boys were with their mother for the holiday this year. We've always celebrated big as a family or on our own. My birthday is Jan. 3rd and my husband has a special knack for making New Year's Eve through my birthday as one big party. For my 30th he took me to Las Vegas for both. To ring in 2009 we partied all night with fireworks with our boys. They went to their mom's for New Year's Day and after we said goodbye we flew to Mexico to go on our belated honeymoon. We rode roller coasters in Mexico City then flew to the coast to start a cruise through the Panama Canal. The day we left port was my birthday. So now it's time to ring in 2010 and I could barely keep my eyes open.

We both work at news stations and had planned to party after the late newscasts. Instead we went home and watched some TV. On the way home I cried and apologized for being a dud. Shawn just chuckled, "You're an oven. You only need to worry about cooking Plurk." So home we went.

TIMEOUT: right now you're saying, Plurk? Yes, well my dear husband decided to nickname our baby after the social networking site. Plurk to tease me a little for what some say is my obsession with social media. I say it's not an obsession, but a great use of new tools in my job, in an industry that is evolving and desperately needs to understand how social networking fits into today and the future! I laughed when he came up with it and Plurk stuck.

My birthday was the same day as the last home Broncos game. For Christmas I surprised my stepsons by getting us all tickets to the game and regardless of how I felt, I couldn't let the boys down. I had to go to the game. The Broncos lost but the boys had fun. Then we went out to dinner with Shawn's mom and stepdad. Once again I knew I had to pretend to drink. Instead of ordering my usual wine, I told everyone I wanted a frozen mixed drink. The waiter took our orders and as he left I got up and asked him where the restrooms were.

As I walked away from the table with the waiter I whispered that I needed my drink, and any others I ordered, to be virgin. "Listen, I'm pregnant. We're not telling anyone yet, so please make all my drinks virgin but pretend they're the real thing!" He agreed and played the part beautifully. I could tell he loved playing a part in a scheme. He asked me specific questions about my alcoholic drink, like on it's strength and taste. No one knew it was fake! Even Shawn looked at me with question. Once in the car on the way home, I let Shawn in on the secret. We laughed at my cunning.

The following week morning sickness hit hard and became a 24-hour event for me. If I wasn't sleeping, I was at work or sick in the bathroom. Smells of cooking or cleaning brought on immediate nausea and rushes to the bathroom. I tried everything the books on pregnancy suggested. I quickly found that crackers do not help my nausea! I'd find something I could tolerate one day and the next day the thought of it would turn my stomach.

Even with all of this though, I still questioned every day. "Am I really pregnant? Or have I made this all up in my head and the physical is just the reaction of this grand illusion I've created?" My first appointment with my doctor was Jan. 11. I knew then all my disbelief would be put to rest. With my medical history and my obvious anxiousness in my voice the nurse scheduled me a little earlier to be seen by the doctor than normal. She normally has women in for their first O.B. appointment in weeks eight to 10 when it's easier to see and measure the baby. She saw me when I was almost seven weeks.

At the doctors office I was weighed, blood samples were drawn, blood pressure was taken and I gave a urine sample. We talked about morning sickness. We discussed my medical history. The doctor explained I am at at-risk pregnancy due to my medical history, but assured me she thought there would be no complications. I still questioned.

Then came the ultrasound.

All breath left me when I saw the tiny image and could clearly see the beating heart of the baby truly indeed growing inside me. It was all real. This is honestly when I first believed I was pregnant. I grabbed Shawn's hand as the doctor talked and took measurements. Then she printed the baby's first picture.