beingmystical

Living with my in-laws: hear from my mother-in-law

Wed, 09 May 2012 03:12:40 +0100

Our realtor is more optimistic than we are that we'll still get the house we're trying to buy. We just don't trust the seller to be reasonable at all so we're preparing to lose the house and starting the search over again for the 3rd time. In the meantime we're still lucky and THANKFUL to have been taken in by my in-laws.

I've shared my thoughts about how it's been living in a multi-generational home, but don't take my word for it. Hear from my mother-in-law Carolina.

She takes care of us, cleans up after us, does our laundry and keeps my wine glass filled! We can never repay her and my father-in-law for all they have done and are doing for us. We will try to though... first step - MOVE OUT!!!

Still living with my in-laws and I'm a statistic

Mon, 07 May 2012 21:22:37 +0100

For a few weeks now we’ve been talking about a story Jace Larson is working. And for weeks I’ve sat silent with a slight smile while we talked about the story on adult children living with parents. I am an adult child living with parents, well with my in-laws. As you know from previous writings what was supposed to be a 4-week stay while we closed on a house, has turned into a 9-months and still going stay while we try to buy a house.

It’s been a blessing. It’s not always been easy. It’s been difficult finding our roles in the house… two sets of parents in the house with our kids. Grandparents need to be grandparents and we parents need to be parents. You know what I mean – we parents have to be the strict ones, while the grandparents get their earned right to spoil.

Squeaks goes right to Gaga (Grandma) and asks for candy because she knows she’ll get it unless one of the evil parents stops it from happening. Most of the time I hold my tongue because I understand this is what Gaga gets to do – spoil.

Grandparents also get to have grandchildren who are angels who can do no wrong in their eyes. I’m afraid our stay has removed the blinders so to speak about all our children, my stepsons, ages 11 and 12, who are in full preteen, push the boundaries mode, and our baby girl, who may already be reaching her terrible 2’s at 20 months

Just as I have held my tongue at times my in-laws have held their tongues when a child is in trouble and we have to discipline. I can see the pain or disagreement in their faces. We’ve had the “we’re the parents talk” and it’s not fun because neither I nor my husband want to dissuade them on how precious and angelic their grandchildren are.

According to 2010 PEW research 1 in 5 adult children ages 25 – 34 have moved back in with their parents. That’s me. I’m that statistic, which gets me back to Jace’s story that airs tomorrow night at 9 and 10. More and more parents are evicting their adult children.

It’s not as simple as you think. Parents can’t just kick their kid out. They have to go through the legal eviction process to actually make the kid leave. Jace is featuring a mom and a son who went through this.

I told my mother-in-law and husband about this. Her reaction in a nonchalant voice, “hmmm, I didn’t know I could evict you.” And then we all laughed.

Then we all thought about it… my in-laws have taken care of all of us… picked up after us… fed us… washed and ironed our clothes….

We’re working to move. We’re under contract on yet another house. We’ll know this week if we’ll make it to closing or not. We don’t think we’ll ever get to a place where an eviction would ever be necessary. But, we can completely see how some families end up in this place.

Russian baked cheese and apple pie; finally I made the time

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 05:49:22 +0100

Finally tonight, over two months later, I’ve been able to bake! It’s a recipe I’ve been wanting to do since Thanksgiving. My colleague Anastasiya posted in November about an apple cheese pie, a Russian recipe passed to her from her grandmother. Not only did she share the recipe with me, but she also bought me the Farmers Cheese, a Russian cheese only found in Russian or Arabic stores here in Denver.

I tried to make the time to try this simple recipe, but after a couple of weeks I realized I wouldn’t have the time soon. I froze the cheese and decided this weekend I would find the time to bake. The last 10 days have been filled with tremendous work - the kind of work that physically takes its toll even though there was very little physical activity doing it. The emotional toll has been just as overwhelming. I needed to bake. I needed to try something new.

At home my husband is back to teaching, mostly night classes, so we’re adjusting to a new schedule for our family, for the kids, for us. Squeaks has been sick for four weeks now. She has an upper respiratory infection w/wet cough & runny nose... stomach virus w/all the grossness and tummy pains that come with it...and teething, looks like all her teeth coming in right now. (Thankfully no high fevers since week 1 of this.) Needless to say it’s been that long since any of us had a good night sleep.

You know what four weeks ago was... it was the first time of Squeaks going to preschool. The first time for childcare outside of our home, or outside of the family. I wasn’t surprised at all that by the end of day two of daycare she had a cold. That’s what turned into an upper respiratory infection.

She goes for only two days a week. I logically know how good it is for her to be with other kids her age instead of just her big brothers (ages 10 and 11) and their friends. Over the holidays when we were with lots of kids it was obvious that she was used to big kids and didn’t really relate to kids her own age.

I was completely mentally prepared for her first day at preschool. Emotionally I didn’t handle it well at all. I sobbed as I handed her over to one of her teachers. I cried silently all the way to work. I cried throughout the entire day.

Leaving her there was worse for me than my first day back to work after maternity leave.

I was not prepared for that. I only called the school a couple of times to check on her, so I give myself a few points for not driving the school staff crazy. I still call every day she’s there to check on her, and yes, I still cry when I drop her off.

Why is this so hard? Guilt? Yes. Feel like I’m abandoning her? Yes. Feel like I’m not being the mother she needs. Yes. How long until this passes? (Please if you have an answer, I’m all ears.)

The day after her first day at school I told myself I needed to bake. Not only did I need to bake but that I need to make it a point to do something new each week and to write about it. Well, four weeks later I’m finally making the time for it. I’m working to find the balance.

The above picture is a double of this recipe from Anastasiya:

You get what's called Farmers Cheese. It's sold in Russian stores or a really awesome Arabic store off Yale and Parker.

So you take half a pound of that, put one egg in, and I'd say quarter of a cup of sugar and start with half a cup of flour. (The problem with this is I have been making it since I was a teenager and you know how grandmas teach you..it's all by eye.)

You can add flour based on how the dough feels. If you were to take a small piece of it the consistency will be so you can make it into a ball and it will stick.

Cut up apples. Spray the pan with non stick spray.

Put some dough in the pan, put some apples on it. Then more dough then more apples.
Bake on 365 until the top is golden brown.

Joy of Thanksgiving - my thrill of cooking, menu, recipes and getting back to healthy

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 16:57:42 +0100

It’s the Thursday after Thanksgiving... so yes, a week after Thanksgiving and today is the day I finally got back on track with that healthy family affair I wrote about. Hey, a week is nothing compared to the weeks it’s been since I’ve made it to the gym!

In the last few weeks I’ve been sick, the family has been sick and my baby girl has been having nights like she did as an infant - up a lot. My gym time, as I wrote, is in the morning. My sleep has been decreased quite a bit so I’ve slept in a bit longer instead of going to the gym. I do have a goal to get back into the gym and I know I will.

In the meantime it’s been all about what I’m eating. I have turned down every treat and goodie that has come into and shared into the newsroom. I have increased how much water I drink. I have had only healthy meals with good carbs, lean protein, and lots of veggies and fruit. In just the first couple of weeks I felt better and my jeans fit a bit better around my waist.

Then Thanksgiving hit and I cooked.. and cooked it all from scratch.

The last few weeks really have been draining for me. We had the choice to go to Nebraska to be with my family for Thanksgiving, or stay her with my DH’s parents (yes, the one’s with whom we’re living.) My stepsons were with their mom for Thanksgiving, but they got to spend the day with us the day after Thanksgiving. While we could have done an up-and-back trip to my sister’s in North Platte, Ne., we decided traveling with a near-15-month-old baby in that kind of quick trip was not worth it.

I don’t know why but a feeling of joy and excitement that I can’t really explain overwhelmed me in the days before Thanksgiving. I was about to have a few days off of work, over a holiday that I haven’t had off in years with my husband who also didn’t have to work for the first time in years. We weren’t going to have to rush to do anything. We weren’t going to have to split the holiday between a few hours between family and our work family.

I was like a kid on a sugar rush - pure excitement. I decided I would cook a small meal for my in-laws and husband. All my cookbooks are in storage (again living with the in-laws) so I searched the internet for recipes I was familiar with and a challenging turkey recipe.

I haven’t cooked a turkey in over a decade. The thought of taking on the turkey was tantalizing to me.. so much so I decided to smoke the bird... I’ve never smoked meat... ever. Since I was cooking for such a small group I decided to just do a turkey breast.

I wanted a fresh bird instead of a frozen one, so I went to the butcher nearest our home. I was lucky they had one turkey breast and one-half turkey breast left. I got the half turkey breast (only later to regret this decision.)

I copied and pasted ALL the recipes I was going to use for the entire menu in one document. From that I put together a shopping list and to my surprise for a completely homemade meal, I had very little I actually needed to get.

The Menu:

smoked turkey breast... and wings
dinner rolls
mashed potatoes
gravy
glazed sweet potatoes
green beans with bacon
regular green beans
bread stuffing
pumpkin pie
strawberry rhubarb cobbler
cherry crisp

Open the PDF file to see my menu and recipes.

A couple of days before Thanksgiving I found out that my step-sister-in-law and her boyfriend would be joining us. This is when I regretted not getting the whole breast. My DH and I went to a few grocery stores the night before Thanksgiving to find turkey legs I could add to the menu. We didn’t find any, but did find the last fresh turkey wings in the last store we searched.

I spent the rest of that night baking all three desserts and starting the brine for the half turkey breast and two wings. I also got the green beans cleaned and all the potatoes ready for cooking the next day.

I drank a good bit of wine and had a fun, very content time. My DH, who didn’t want to cook at all because he does a lot of the cooking on a normal day, was kind enough to assist me with cubing bread for the stuffing, peeling and cutting up potatoes and sweet potatoes.

I went to bed close to 2 a.m. tired but not exhausted and drained as so many nights before.

We got up in time on Thanksgiving to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. I was again thrilled like a little kid. I was overjoyed to be watching the parade with my baby girl... well as much "watching" that can be done with a toddler. There were a couple of moments where the images of the big balloons and music captivated her. I loved seeing her expression.

It’s been years since I’ve been able to watch... not answering phones from people complaining of the broadcast of the parade. As I watched the various networks with the parade, I found myself complaining out loud to what seemed to be a lack of parade on TV and an over-abundance of network promotion or music. (I have every right to lecture the TV... I would never actually call a station to complain!! hint hint to anyone who has ever thought the local stations have anything to do with the production of national TV, like the parade.)

At 10 a.m. I got to work cooking the meal. I started with the dinner rolls. My beautiful Kitchen Aide is all alone in storage. My MIL doesn’t have a mixer. So I mixed the dough the old fashion way... with a fork. Once the dough was on it’s first round of rising, I got the turkey breast and wings out of the brine.

I slathered them in Rosemary Sage Butter then wrapped the meat with bacon - yes bacon. You’ll have to see my menu and recipes to understand. You can open the PDF below. I combined a recipe for roasting a turkey breast with smoking a turkey breast.

In fact I rarely follow a recipe completely. I do my own measurements and add/eliminate ingredients according to taste. In the PDF of my menu and recipes you will find each recipe with a link to the original source. Anything that is Italicized are my own variations and adjustments.

It’s a good thing I don’t always use a measuring cup. Until that morning I didn’t know my MIL doesn’t have a full set of cups. I didn’t even find the few that she does have until AFTER everything was made! I used drinking glasses, spoons and the palm of my hand as measuring tools!

Since I had never smoked meat I did a lot of research on smoking meat on a gas grill. I made smoke bombs to make this work. I didn’t realize my FIL’s grill had a very small top rack that wasn’t big enough to hold all the meat. I tried to put it all on the low grill rack but quickly realized as the drippings caused the flames to leap and the temperature to increase rapidly that the meat would only burn not smoke and cook.

I improvised. I moved the wings to the small top rack. I used two loaf pans to balance a metal flat strainer on which I placed the half breast to get it up off the grill. Now the smoking began!

My goal was for a late lunch at 2 p.m. and I got everything on the table by 2:30 p.m. Yes, I was pretty pleased with myself. My homemade Thanksgiving meal was enjoyed by all and satisfied a long-lost love of cooking and baking that has been begging to be found again.

I was cooking for a vegetarian so all dishes but the turkey and green beans were changed to be vegetarian. Again, all my variations are italicized. If what I haven't written yet gets you to open the file then maybe this will... my gravy was made with wine. There. Now you HAVE to check it out.

But, now it’s a week later and I’m getting back to my healthy eating. “Why a week,” you ask? My MIL’s 60th birthday was just a few days ago so between leftovers and going out to dinner in birthday celebration my diet was shot. So I’ve got a week to get back on track. This is a hard time for many to stay on a healthy diet. Not only is it the holidays though for me it’s also birthday season. Between both sides of the family we have 7 birthday to celebrate between Thanksgiving and January 3. Two of those birthdays are my husband’s and my own!

So I won’t even try to say I will stay on track, but I will say I will do my best to make better decisions than in the past and will work even harder than in the past to get back on track.

No energy to cry

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 05:47:05 +0100

Crying has always been a release from me. More accurately it's been an automatic release that's often left me wondering, "why am I crying?" It's something I've never completely understood. I know my emotions and hormones play a part.

I don't break out in sobs and fits all the time in front of those around me. No, it's mostly private tears that just come and go. My tears are saved for those closest to me… usually. There have been a few extremely uncomfortable moments when I cried in front of someone when I should have held it together.

All ranges of emotion from frustration to joy bring on the tears. I admit in 30 seconds the waterworks are triggered by sappy commercials. All of this embarrasses and annoys me 8 out of 10 times.

But, 2 out of 10 times I welcome the tears as they are the release I need to move on in whatever process my heart and mind are experiencing. I didn't realize how much I actually need those times, those tears, until these last few weeks.

I don't even remember the last time I was able to cry when I needed a release. Oh wait, there was one time I felt the tears coming on and actually focused on them to make them fall.

I found myself recently with the urge to cry but no tears came and I literally felt my body just give up on what has been my natural release.

A lot has happened in my life over the past two years. I wouldn't say it's any more than any other person. It's just been a lot for me. From a not-too-easy pregnancy, to a birth that barely happened with a doctor in the room, to new mommyhood, to breastfeeding, to hormones, to learning again how to be a wife and mother to my stepsons with a new baby, to hormones, to going back to work full-time, to switching jobs, to my baby 1st high fever of many, to my husband leaving the TV business for teaching, to moving, to ending up living with the in-laws… it's been a lot.

I think I may have finally reached a point over the last few weeks where all of life and reality has caught up to me. And I've found it to be too exhausting to cry.

I don't have a thing to complain about… okay, well that's just me trying to take the high road. Even those complaints I do have I know in the grand scheme of life they are little and not worthy of much of my energy which I so desperately need in all other aspects of my life.

I need to save my energy just to cry… it's just a part of me, of who I am.

A family health affair

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 05:52:08 +0100

Pregnancy changed my body. Birthing my baby girl changed my body. Breastfeeding changed my body. Stopping breastfeeding changed my body. Going back on birth control changed my body.

It's been almost two years since I found out I was going to have a baby. I don't think my body is done changing! Pregnancy, age and life in general have provided me with a reality check about my body, and in turn, my health.

I've been active on Twitter lately participating in #HeartHealth chats. Two chats have been directly work related, but I was happy to "do my job" and tweet hours after my actual work day had ended.

I had my 1st EKG at the age of 22 when I went in to get my tonsils removed. The heart problems of my grandmother and mother triggered the need for the extra precaution of an EKG before surgery. My grandma had her first heart attack at the age of 39. My mom had her first hear issue at the age of 41. This information alone should have been my reality check… but I was 22 with the world to concur and little attention was given to my heart health.

I have done as my family doctor suggested, which is to have a full heart work up every 5 years. All the tests have been fine so I haven't thought much about it.

Now that I'm still getting used to the new shape of my hips and the presence of my "mommy pouch" I've been thinking more about my health and the looming possibility that I could have a heart issue in less than 10 years.

I make no claims that I was in shape before getting pregnant - I wasn't. I had other health issues (female problems - if you ask my girlfriends they'll tell you my lady parts hate me and getting pregnant and having a baby was a miracle - I agree) and my own lack of good health choices prevented me from really grabbing a hold of my own health.

This week I hope to take the 1st steps to a true health change. My dear husband and my mother-in-law have come up with a diet plan and menus. My DH got all the groceries today so we can follow the plan.

My DH and I have made a schedule of when we'll go to the gym. We used to go together, but now with work schedules and kids we schedule time for one to go the gym and one to be home.

I hope with the support of my DH and MIL that this will truly be a life change.

It's got to… don't overlook the fact that my MIL is a part of this. There's nothing like good motherly guilt to get things done!

The side effects of saving time: health and money

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 05:24:09 +0100

Time - there is never enough of it. I don’t think anyone will disagree with me. It’s something that’s always said. I’ve always said it.

I wish I could take back every time I said it. I never knew what I was talking about… until now.

When I say it now there’s an edge of desperation, panic even in my head, if not also seeping through in my voice.
I always feel behind… behind with my family, behind at home, behind at work. I’ve never felt this far behind before. The reason: life – a baby, growing stepsons, a move to another part of the city, a job that continues to develop, shift and expand.

I find myself thinking daily, “What is my time worth to me?”

I’ve actually started paying for my time, and also getting an extra health benefit.

In moving to the opposite end of the city – but no further away from work – my drive time doubled. Actually I’m lucky if the time is only doubled. Depending on what time I leave for work the drive time can almost triple to what it used to be.
Now that I’m counting every minute sitting in traffic is not worth my time.

My work has a workout facility with locker rooms (lucky!) I realized that I could get out of bed, go straight to work, exercise and get showered and dressed in the same amount of time that it would take if I got ready for work at home and then sat in traffic. So while I complain about the traffic, I guess I have to say thank you. Thank you congested highways and side streets for giving me a whole different motivation to exercise.

However there are days that I just can’t go straight to work. There are days that I literally get two hours or less with my children. Even a few minutes with them in the morning is worth dealing with bumper to bumper traffic.

After the third night in a row with very little time with my kids I asked myself if I was willing to pay for my time. The next morning I took the toll road.

I rarely ever took the toll road, and if I did it was mostly the HOV lanes with a car full of people. I always said the traffic didn’t bother me and said it just gave me more time to listen to a good audio book or good radio channel. Now when I’m counting every minute, I don’t have the extra minutes to spare.

I realized I am willing to pay for my time. It’s not in our budget for me just to add toll fees to it. I’ve made cuts other places… going out to lunch, a manicure, switching to a less expensive brand, etc. All of that is worth it to me to have a few more minutes back in my life.

What have you done to get back minutes in your day?

I was asked to write about saving time. I accepted because of how precious and filled my time has become. I absolutely related to the request. I did not and will not accept any gifts, trials or compensation for my writing. That’s not how I operate. However, if you’d like to accept a 3-month FREE trial of CLEAR, please do.

Thank you for spending some of your precious time reading my thoughts.

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To help you see what CLEAR is all about, they are offering my readers a special 3-month FREE trial! Don't settle for just one extra hour this Daylight Savings. No need to deal with unpredictable security lines, the stress of rushing to your gate, or the time you waste getting to DEN extra early. Click here to get your pass and try CLEAR's enhanced travel experience for yourself. Just enter my code (CMNDST05) in the promo code field on the payment page.

We've moved in with my in-laws

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 22:07:51 +0100

Well, we didn’t sell our house as we wanted. We had it on the market for over 60 days and had less than a dozen showings. We listed it as a rental and took a dozen or more calls each day from people asking about it. Within two weeks we had a signed lease with tenants to move in during September.

So, we’ve rented our house, but don’t have a new house to move into yet. We’ve moved in – or rather still in the process of – moving in with my in-laws! I am extremely grateful that we have family willing to take us in while we figure our housing situation out. This is a step we chose instead of being forced into like many other families.

Anything I may share from this experience will be done out of fun and tongue-in-cheek. While I may share aspects of life with my in-laws I do so knowing up front how lucky and blessed we are to have them. I do so knowing we made this choice willingly and not out of circumstances out of our control.

We chose this for the betterment of our family. First and foremost we did this for out boys. The move to our in-laws puts them within 10-minutes of their mother instead of 30-minutes it was since she moved to a new home years ago. This move actually puts us closer, within minutes, to all family members (except mine who are all in Nebraska.) It is so wonderful to have supportive family.

The other large influence in moving was the education of our boys. I won’t say anything bad about our former school district because each child learns differently. They need more specialized educational plans than what was available. One teacher has already contacted us with concern about their past education needs and how she is focused on creating a plan for each of them to help them succeed. Since starting in the new school both boys have already made advances in areas they’ve struggled. (Yeah! So proud!)

Another reason for the move was the commute. My husband, Shawn, left the broadcast industry to focus on his teaching and to freelance. He is an Adjunct Professor in Longmont. The two hour commute between Aurora and Longmont just didn’t wear on us financially with the price of gas and wear and tear on the vehicles, but also wore on us as a family. That’s a long time to go without daddy. Now we’re both 20-miles from our offices and the time we have together as a family has increased.

That wraps up most of our “why we chose to move in with the in-laws.”

Next up is “life with the in-laws.”

What I’ve already discovered is that my MIL is so wonderful that she packs my lunch that leave my coworkers asking when she’s going to pack lunch for her as well. She also has a glass of wine waiting for me at home every night after work. Marvelous!

The challenges of living with the in-laws:

Our boys sharing a room – the drama has increased as they no longer have private space.
House rules and discipline of the boys – as parent’s we’re going to naturally be stricter than grandparents. We’re walking the line of being in charge, yet still keeping Grandma’s and Grandpa’s a fun, special place for the boys.
My husband and I still share a room (much smaller room) with our baby girl. We chose to share a room with Squeaks instead of having the boys move in together when she was born because we knew we’d be moving. We just thought we would have moved into our own new home by now where we could move her into her own room.
Private time for me and my husband as well as private time for my in-laws is now difficult. We each have our routines that we’re now trying to mesh together. We need our own time and space to have private discussion. We now need to be creative in finding those special, intimate moments which are so very important to us.

I’m grateful to have these challenges though. We’ve done what we had to do for our family. We chose this and working to be in our own house soon.

Night at Denver County Fair brings back memories

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 20:45:01 +0100

We went to the first Denver County Fair at the National Western Complex Friday night. The boys had a blast taking their little brother on rides, and of course riding the big rides themselves. I think the most fun they had were in these Hamster Water Balls. All I know is that if we had these things at home they'd be nightly activity... ahh, how quickly they'd go to bed after fun in these balls!

I wasn't surprised there weren't many rides available. The complex isn't big enough to hold many rides. Perhaps next year the organizers would consider putting the rides in one of the parking lots so more rides would be available.

From Denver County Fair

Squeaks enjoyed the night on daddy's back!

From Denver County Fair

We spent most of the evening outside at the rides, but did walk through most of the exhibits before the Fair closed. The complex was separated into sections that made it a mix of the county fair I grew up with and new age. It made me miss being in 4-H when I entered as much as I could during fair time. One year I created my own trail mix that took a 1st Place ribbon! I think I still have some of the ceramics I painted, glazed and fired in a box. I know I have some of the doll clothing I sewed stashed away. I hope my daughter will want to dress her dolls up in these cloths some day!

I walked away from the fair with a desire to buy my own sewing machine to take up sewing again. I feel the challenge of growing the next prize winning squash. My canning supplies are calling out to me!

It's been two years since I've had a garden. Last year I was too pregnant to garden. This year we put the house on the market and starting a garden I would possibly have to abandon just didn't make sense. I'm going to have to get some scrumptious veggies at the farmers markets for canning this year.

All this fun was had 25-minutes from home!

View Your new home in a larger map

Welcome home! Meet your neighborhood.

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 04:25:56 +0100

One of the many benefits of your new home is location. You live directly across the street from the playground at Utah Park. Utah Park is filled with trails, sport fields, tennis courts, picnic shelters and indoor swimming complex. The pool at Utah Park has a two pools and a water playground. The small pool has a winding slide and the big pool has another slide and high dive diving boards.

You are going to love being able to walk across the street to your own park filled with amazement and wonders for kids and relaxing streams and trails for you. The concerts in the park during the summer are delightful and make for wonderful excuse to get family and friends together.

Beyond the park you are minutes away from gas stations, grocery stores, restaurants, golf courses and nationally recognized hospitals.

Everything you and your family need is within minutes of your new home! Take a tour of your neighborhood with this map. Zoom in and out to see just some of of the places my family and I have enjoyed over the years and will miss. Click the link to open the map in it's own window. Play with Street View to really get to know your neighborhood.

View Your new home in a larger map